today i woke up feeling like a stranger. like a foreigner. well, i really just felt like i didn't want to face the day yet. so i called in and asked for a half day personal day. good thing marcia wasn't in and that jean is so cool. yep, so i slept until 10 and then got up got ready slow, and went to panera for lunch. i'm wearing clothes that feel baggy and a shirt i've had for years but i insist on wearing it still. my hair looks silly today. and while i was sitting at panera alone i felt so self concious. I haven't felt that way in a long time. i was worried about what people were thinking. and all of the sudden i felt like a foreigner. like an exchange student. like nothing was stable. everything fluid and me not knowing anything. and i pieced that feeling with my not wanting to get up this morning and decided i must be having an off day. those are allowed.

plus tonight the girls in my house have decided that we should start a regular hang out with melissa time once a week. mondays are it. it forces jamie and i to face mel and her process of  fighting a disease. its taxing in a selfish way. well, i'm already in the learning process of cleaning the house up after her, her fiance', her best friend, and the rest of the busy house. so i guess i can learn to  face the disease and its personal impact on my roomate.

Currently Listening Ben Folds Live (Clean) (with Bonus DVD) By Ben Folds the luckiest see related

okay, okay, i'm going to update. i think i would update more often if i had a portable computer with wireless internet. or sterling wasn't on his all the time and i could use it while we are together (which happens to me most of the time). and which brings me to my second topic.

the new boy and i traversed to dallas to meet the rents for the first time. we stayed in a hotel with two rooms and a bed in the living room. it was strangely comfortable for the first time he met them. at least that's what i thought. he had no concerns after meeting them and they didn't voice any concerns to me. well, none that weren't said in passing while shopping at a department store without the boys. i'm looking forward to a time when he can spend more time with them and they with him. hopefully in a-town. hopefully over new years. and hopefully with the other people who spend new years with us on that dirty beach lighting fireworks. le-you'll be in russia, and thats okay for now.

last night sterl and i spent halloween at his mom's house (a cute little number right off of peoria in tulsa) waiting for trick or treaters. none came. but we ate some of the candy. and we laughed a lot. ms. carmean and i laughed at sterling, sterling laughed at me, i laughed at myself and at judy carmeans jokes. she isn't really a comedian type, but she thought it would be funny to tell us her fall food inspired jokes. sterling rolled his eyes and i sincerley laughed. more than once. "why doesn't the gingerbread man feel comfortable wearing shorts?"    . . . . . . . "he has crummy legs."       i thought it was funny.

then we danced a little (okay i danced like a silly kid mimicking the ballet we had seen on sunday-half price tickets). so last night was one of my first really comfortable times with sterlings mom. and we even talked about the holidays and how they were going to be spent. she included me in their plans. and she wanted sterling included in mine. that was good news. now just for the details.....

now i'm waisting my time at work updating my xanga. really so a few of you can read it.

make sure and post a comment so i know somebody is out there reading this.